Finding the New Normal

  I'm here to say that your life will never be the same again. It will never be what you used to consider "normal", you will have to find your new normal. I myself am doing just that; finding my new normal. It isn't easy, as a matter of fact it is the opposite of easy. I wasn't the kind of person who had anxiety very often...but now, post cancer Aubrey has anxiety about several things. I am constantly tired but it takes me forever to get to sleep at night. I was pretty active before, I clogged once a week, I walked everyday, and every once in a while I did yoga (very rarely). Now stretching feels like an intense workout. I've officially gotten up off the floor on my own three times, which is easy for most people but if you have had any kind of intense chemo then you know that your muscles do not stay the same. I cant do things that I did before, I cant go shopping, I cant dance, I cant play with my dog a lot. I miss being active. I also miss my hair and its not like I don't enjoy being bald because there are perks of having your head shaved. I don't have to wash my hair all the time (which was a big hassle), I don't have to worry about styling my hair. But if we are being totally honest here, it kind of sucks being a young girl and bald. I've gotten used to being stared at or hearing people say something about my wig because its not a regular hair color and I understand why people do those things, I mean it's not everyday that you see a girl my age that's bald. But there have been plenty of blessings that have come out of this experience. I have lots of new friends including; the doctors and nurses that I've had, my new friend that is battling Hodgkin's lymphoma, and even the lady who came up to me in acropolis (a restaurant) and said that she fought cancer too and she understood what I was going through. She also said that she just had to stop and tell me that I was brave. Whatever you are going through just remember; it is not in your control and it never will be, and there will always be someone going through something worse than you. Everything that you go through in your life whether its good or bad it is all in God's plan. I know that for some people it's hard giving up control, but God says to give Him all your problems, to trust Him, and to let Him take care of the rest. My mom always says, "Let go and let God". I'm so blessed to have such a wonderful life, loving family, and great friends. In the end hair grows back, scars heal, and muscles regain their strength.  You find out who is really their for you, you learn things about your body that you didn't know before, and you might even leave with a new or slightly different perspective on life. I'm not done with this fight but when I am I want to be an advocate for children who have been or will be diagnosed with any form of cancer. Your cancer buddy, Aubrey.